I’ve been quiet lately for a reason. I’ve tried to write, and I started some things, but I’ve been extra irritated with the way my voice sounds. When I write, I can just hear the annoying shrill sound, and I sound so self-important. Like, I read back what I say, and it rings in my ears as “SO LIKE YEAH UM YOU JUST DO THIS AND THEN THIS HAPPENS.” I sound like I think I’m imparting wisdom but it’s really just common sense shit that is so surface level that you just go, “well, fucking duh.” Or, I write like I’m unveiling some deep unique experience that’s actually so basic and ubiquitous and not an issue that it’s like why am I even (a) wasting time writing about it and (b) throwing it out into the world to waste other people’s time reading and diluting the real, important, meaningful content out there.
It’s like when you’re on the phone with someone and everything’s going great, and then all of a sudden the connection gets a little wonky, and there ends up being a delay between when you say something and the noise comes through their phone, and so you hear your own voice on the other line like a second after you say it and you realize that god-awful sound is your voice. You sound like that, and that poor other person has to listen to that high-pitched mickey mouse sound. That’s how my writing is. I’m hearing myself as I’m writing it, and it’s so cringy I just don’t want to do it anymore.
So that’s why I’ve been quiet. I’ve still been writing, but it’s been in the shadows (actually the literal shadows because I’ve been writing in my bedroom late at night with all the lights turned off) with no intention of letting any of it see the world. I’m not sure if the problem I’m having is psychological or if I should take some classes on writing effectively. I never really learned how to write personal/creative essays. I could use my science voice that I use for writing papers and grant proposals and such, but that would bore all of us to tears, and it lacks that personal touch.
Anyway, I just wanted to throw this out there. We all hate our own writing, but we somehow still get over that and continue to produce content. So, that’s what I’ll be working on. Overall, the purpose of this discussion is to effectively convey the aforementioned concerns regarding depth of content. The author expects to see improvements in overall nature of this content over the course of time, with the assistance of resources including (but, of course, not limited to) online articles, local classes in the community, published literature in the field, and, hopefully, feedback from the audience. Any comments, suggestions, or other responses, including simple statements of solidarity, may be directed to the comments section or directly to the author via the contact tab at the top of this page. (That’s my science writing voice.)