***Mild profanity, ranting, etc.***



It started out as just a tiny bump on my arm that I started scratching while watching Mad Max in 3D last Saturday.

The next morning, the itch had spread, and the bump had multiplied, forming a row of bumps about three inches long. I noticed it while watching my mom weeding her flowerbed. “I think I might have poison ivy…” At that point, it was just a label I threw out there as a vague possibility.

I found cream for it in the house, and as soon as the infected area was entirely covered with skin-colored cream, I noticed more itching on my inner thigh. The rash had already travelled and two red, bumpy patches spread across my leg.

That evening, I noticed my neck itching pretty badly, and my only thought was, Not my face… Anywhere but my face…. The next morning, the rash covered half my neck and had spread. To my face.

Now, as I sit here typing this, my inner left thigh is covered, the inside of my left forearm is covered, my neck is covered and spreading to my chest, and a significant patch of my forehead is infected. Also, I just noticed my thumb is really itchy…

Wednesday, I am flying out to Seattle to accompany my cousin as she transports her car from Washington to North Carolina. I’ll be with her from Washington to Pennsylvania, which will take about five days of travelling. I will not miss out on this trip. I haven’t seen my cousin for three years, and she is without a doubt my closest friend. Poison ivy, if you fuck things up for me, so help me God…

And I am sooooo itttcccchhhhyyyyyy. And I look really nasty, like something out of a sci-fi movie.

I’m thinking I should go to an urgent care center, but, really, what can they do? They’ll give me some cream to put on it and tell me to come back if it isn’t gone in a week. I need something right now. Give me a scalpel and I’ll cut the rash off right now.

I had a really awful experience with poison ivy once before when I was in eighth grade, but it had never spread to my face before.

The only break I’m getting right now is that my tube of poison ivy cream is 2 ounces, so I’ll be able to take it on the plane with me. Here’s to five severely uncomfortable days of travelling that lie before me…

Do you guys have any advice for handling it? Or any poison ivy stories of your own?

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2 Responses to Poisoned

  1. My experience only has been with Poison Oak, and trying to not scratch is almost impossible.

    From what I’ve been reading up on, if you start swelling up or have problems breathing you need to go see a doctor ASAP. Here is where I got my info from. I really hope you’re not having an allergic reaction to it.

    At any rate, really all you can do is just not scratch it and wait for it to go away. If people ask what’s wrong with you, tell them that the zombie apocalypse has started. Mumble about brains. That’s what I’d do if I were in your position.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Iris says:

      Thank you, Sirius! I looked at that site, along with a billion others, and aside from a wash that cost $35/oz and pouring whole milk over the rash (according to one random person on some forum) there is nothing to be done to make it go away faster. You definitely have the best advice, though. Nobody messes with zombies.

      Liked by 1 person

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