**This post contains profanity and shameless whining**
I wanted to write a nice post today about utopias, looking at past attempts at creating a secular, pristine society for a group of people, as well as the potential for such a society to survive in the long term. However, after one lazy Google search, three skimmed articles, and one sentence typed, I realized that that just wasn’t going to happen today.
For some reason, I just don’t have my usual writing optimism. To put it bluntly, I feel like a piece of garbage that fell out of someone’s asshole and keeps getting ran over by speeding, oversized semis while getting soggy in a puddle of sewage drainage. In other words, today isn’t my day.
“But Iris,” one might say, “of course this is your day. This is your life, and you have control over it, so by default, every day has to be your day.”
You’re right. It is still my day, but it just doesn’t feel like my day.
I couldn’t sleep at all last night, and my cat Larry woke me up at 4:14 because he was hungry and didn’t bother checking the food dish before meowing obnoxiously because he definitely already had food. I love him dearly, but his meow is so annoying it makes my skin crawl. In his defense, I’m sure he finds my singing voice equally annoying, and I tend to wake him up with it when he’s napping, but he doesn’t have to be anywhere in the morning. Or ever.
So I lost an additional hour of sleep. This might not seem like much, but I require a lot of sleep to function properly, and Larry’s gluttonous cry is probably the worst noise to wake up to other than your smoke alarm yelling at you to change the batteries or someone else’s alarm going off playing “Bed Intruder.”
To make matters worse, my dumbass brother used my contact case last night for his own contacts and apparently he has 20/20 vision so I don’t know why the hell he is wearing contacts anyway. I put them in this morning thinking they were mine because they were in my goddamn contact case.
So I walked to the bus stop half blind thinking there was something wrong with my eyes. Thankfully, it’s only a five-minute walk, so I didn’t endanger any lives or stumble down a rabbit hole, but it was still a risk I did not intend to take today. And I was really worried I had cataracts in both my eyes or some eye-eating bacteria. These kinds of things never happen when I’m living in my apartment…
They say that being deprived of one of your senses sharpens the others, but when I have blurry vision, everything seems like it is in a fog. I can’t think straight, every social attempt ends in stumbles and awkwardness, and the day has no potential for productivity. Even my hand wasn’t working right. At the bus stop, I dropped my pass into a puddle of water and didn’t notice until someone told me. It was literally the only thing I was holding, and it didn’t register that I had dropped it.
All day I’ve been having a sinking feeling that something isn’t right, and I know it’s nothing more than a feeling, but I really just want to crawl back into bed and pretend today was just a weird dream.
I keep telling myself that it is just a mentality. If I can think positive thoughts, my day will turn around, but it’s just not happening. Furthermore, every little thing is pissing me off. The bus driver didn’t say good morning to me when I got on the bus. Some lady tried talking to me while I was putting cream in my coffee. Someone put a fucking penguin on my desk at work before I walked in.
I wish we had the option to start our days over, go back in time, hit rewind or undo, or at the very least, change channels. I can’t stand the way I’m feeling today, and it’s not myself at all. I hate it.